Elishiva writes: "I am a Spirit filled, Torah observant, follower of Yeshua."
Chapter One
It was a bright sunny day, in the summer of 1964, in
the state of New York, when a beautiful little baby girl was born. So
precious a bundle she was, a chosen child of the God above, yet born into
sinful mankind. Into a horrible world, cruel to the core, where not many good
people were to be found. Her parents were no different, one drunk and one on
drugs; neither one of them knowing anything about love.
Mary's father started abusing her in '69, when she turned five
years old. He would take her to secret places and play games with her that
she didn't like at all. The games always hurt and she always cried, but daddy
never listened. He was evil and heartless. He was mean and cruel. She hated
the games but it was better than being with mommy.
Her mom was
a lonely, angry and bitter woman. She yelled at Mary and beat her horribly.
She would poke her and pinch her and pull her along by her hair. She was lazy
and made Mary do everything; all the cleaning and all the cooking. And she
always smelled bad. She would get right into her face and yell and it smelled
so bad that Mary would try hard not to throw up. If she did she'd get
a beating worse than ever.
She slept with a light on so that
there would be no dark corners in her room. Yet, even with the light on, she
was still afraid of the monsters from her dreams. She would wake up crying
and trembling in fear from the horrific memories of the days, and weeks, and
months past. Every morning would bring on new anxiety. She was constantly in
fear, day after day. When would it end?
At 10 years old, the
abuse still continued. One night, one particular 'game' was very bad and she
struggled and fought so she would not have to participate. Her daddy beat her
that night and told her she was a horrible bad girl and that she would have
to be punished for not playing the game. He took her clothes off her, put her
over his knee, and spanked her relentlessly. Then he put her into a small
hole in the basement, and kept her there till morning. There she
stayed, crying and sobbing from the physical pain and the pain deep inside
her heart. The next morning she'd have to get up and go to
school.
She hated school. She hated herself and everyone around
her. No one helped her. She was all alone. Kids were mean to her and picked
on her non stop. Teachers didn't like her. She never talked to anyone. She
wouldn't. They didn't listen anyway. No one loved her. No one cared. There
wasn't one nice person anywhere!
Now at 14, the years have taken
their toll. Her heart is shattered in so many pieces that it would take a
heart transplant to fix it. She hates everyone. There's not a drop of love in
her because no one has ever loved her. She spins in a whirlwind of grief and
despair. She's loosing control. She can't live like this anymore. No way can
she take the pain and the emptiness any longer. She tries to find a way out.
She can't comprehend living any longer. She's at rock bottom. She furiously
thinks of a way to end her life. She starts sobbing and cries out, "I can't
take anymore! Please help me!"
Chapter
Two
Fourteen years ago, in the summer of 1964, the Holy Spirit
placed it on
Charlie's heart to pray for someone. He didn't know who it was.
He didn't know why. But he sensed an urgency and began praying. On through
the first five years he prayed, for this person he didn't know.
Then one day in 1969, he felt a pain deep within his heart that
was not like the previous pain. He glanced over to the calendar on the wall
and noticed the date. It was exactly five years to the day that Abba first
placed it on his heart to pray for this person. He asked, "Why Father?" He
told him that He has a special child who would be needing prayers for a very
long time, and that He had chosen Charlie to pray for her. He asked him,
"Charlie? If it meant you having to go through that pain, and some nights
much worse than others, and pray for my child every night for the next nine
years, would you do it?" Charlie whispered, "not my will Father, but yours,
be done". He started crying.and crying, hard. He wept like he's never wept
before. He cried out, "Father, it hurts! Please make it stop". Then he
whispered, "though, not my will Father, but yours be done".
This
happened mostly every night, through the years, over and over again, but
he was faithful to his Fathers request, and continued to pray, for as long
as needed.
Then one night in 1974 he was getting ready for
bed and out of the blue he felt that same urgency to pray for someone. For
the same person, yet he didn't know who. He began praying and right away he
started feeling that deep pain within his heart. This time it was even more
heart wrenching than before. He began sobbing deep groans of agony. He felt
alone, abused, hurt, angry and bitter. This went on all through the night.
Crying and groaning for hours, as he prayed on until daylight. Morning came
and he fell asleep totally exhausted and spent of all energy.
Four more years went by, night after night of sharing the pain
of this person he didn't know. Its present day, 1978, and Charlie still hangs
on tight to Father, never taking his eyes off of Him. He continues to dwell
in the secret place of the most High. And continues giving his will over to
Him. But what he doesn't realize is that this night, the last night, will be
the worst pain of all. He feels an urgency to begin praying. He starts
feeling pain deep within his heart and begins to weep. He sobs and groans
from the agony. As the night wears on, it gets worse and worse. Soon it's so
severe he believes he may have a heart attack. The pain is almost too
unbearable. He continues praying. He prays, "Father! Give me the strength to
go through this! To do what you've asked me to do! Carry me Father!" He
begins waling now from the pain. He gets up and runs, and cries, "I can't
take anymore! Please help me!"
Chapter Three
It's
raining and thundering outside but she doesn't care. She runs outside
and down the street. "There just has to be a car
somewhere!"
He runs outside into the rain. He fumbles with his
keys and slams himself into his car and starts driving. He's still crying
from the pain and praying for this person he doesn't even know. He can barely
see through his tears and the rain.
She stands behind a tree
alongside the road, waiting. She isn't going to live this life any longer. No
one loves her. No one cares. There's not one nice person anywhere! She spots
a car! "Get ready! Get set! RUN!"
Suddenly out of nowhere someone
runs right out in front of his car. He screams, "OH GOD!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
He hits her! He runs right over her! He
could feel the thud of her body under his wheels. He's horrified. He stops
his car and runs out to find her. "Is she dead? OH NO, what if I killed her?"
He sees her lying motionless at the side of the road. He covers her with his
coat and gets his cell and calls 9-1-1. The ambulance is there in less than 3
minutes and he follows them to the hospital. He prays, "Please Father, don't
let her die!"
The ambulance screams into the driveway of the
local hospital carrying the body of a very worn out, lonely, half dead girl.
Dr's begin working on her immediately. There is barely any life left. Charlie
begs for her survival. He continues to pray for this girl he
doesn't...even...know. He suddenly feels that oh so familiar feeling of deep
pain in his chest and begins to sob. As he prays it is slowly revealed to
him. "FATHER! Is it her?? Is she the one I've been praying for all these
years?"
The Dr's work on Mary for the next six hours as Charlie
waits, weeping in pain. This will be the last night he cries for her.
Chapter Four
The sun comes up the next
morning, a beautiful bright shiny day. No sign of the horrible rain the night
before. Mary wakes up only to find that she's in the hospital and still
alive. "How did this happen?" She asks herself. "Why aren't I dead??" And
then a sudden rush of pain washes over her who body and she wishes even more
now that her plan had worked. She finds that she is in a body cast, one arm
up in a sling and one leg. A brace tightens its grip around her neck and her
head is covered so tight with bandages that she can barely see through
one eye. Fear grips her as she fights against the tears. She won't cry. She
hasn't cried since she was five years old.
As the Dr makes
his rounds he sees Mary's name next on his list. He hesitates before going
in. This is one of the hardest parts of his job. How will he tell her? He
thinks about how she has no hope. How she'll never walk again. He searches
for the strength that is deep down inside of himself, that every Dr has to
have, takes a deep breath, and walks in. "Good morning, Mary" he says.
"What's good about it?" she asked through the pain. He looks away so as not
to show the agony on his face. He says, "Mary there are things that I must
tell you. Things you won't want to hear. You have a shattered spine that has
caused total paralysis. You have broken ribs, a broken collar bone, broken
arm and broken leg, and a concussion." Oh! She wasn't going to cry! She tried
so hard to hold it in! But now she cries. She cries from devastation. She
cries nine years worth of emotions. Unstoppable tears. She lashes out at him
saying, "WHY didn't you let me die?!!"
Charlie wakes up in
the waiting room to sunbeams shining in the window and begins to pray.
"Father let your will be done, not mine." He submits again to God, and waits.
A nurse comes in to where he is and tells him that Mary is in ICU, but that
since he seems to be the only family she has, he can go in and see her just
as soon as visiting hours start. Two hours away. He decides to go home and
eat and shower and then come back and visit with her. He is going to be there
for her no matter what.
Chapter Five
Charlie
arrives back at the hospital right on time. Visiting hours are just
starting.
It's bittersweet. He's apprehensive about seeing her in the kind of physical
pain that she might be in, yet he's excited about finally meeting the one he
never knew. He goes to the gift shop and picks up some flowers and walks down
the long hallway that leads to her room. He turns the corner ever so slowly.
What a sight he sees. She's in a total body cast. His heart breaks. "Father,
look what I've done" he whispers. But he must be strong. He walks over to
her, sets the flowers down, and quietly says hello. He sees her eye
shoot open in fear. He tries to calm her with soothing words. "ssshhh" he
whispers to her, "it's alright". "Mary my name is Charlie. I'd like to visit
for a while."
She is hateful and spiteful to him. "GET OUT OF HERE!" she screams. "GO AWAY! I DON'T WANT YOU HERE!"
He chokes down the lump in his
throat and stands his ground. He has prayed for this girl every night since
she was five and he isn't going to walk out on her now. He takes a step
closer to her and says, "Mary, I'm
your friend. I'm here to help you." She
breaks down again, sobbing with no strength left to fight. Both her body and
her mind are wracked with pain. She cries out in desperation, "You're not my
friend! Oh why didn't I die?" This stranger, this angel in disguise, tells
her "Because someone loves you. Someone cares. There is one nice person, and
he's right here."
These words hit hard! They hit her heart harder than the car hit her body. She remembered thinking them over and over again throughout her lifetime of abuse. Her mind was spinning. How could this total stranger know her thoughts? She strains to see him through the bandages. With barely any breath left, she whispers, "Who are you?"
He walks slowly to the side of
her bed, takes a hold of her hand, and says, "I am someone who has been
praying for you for a very long time. And I am someone who loves you very
much. Mary, there is someone else though, that loves you far more than I
could ever love you. She closes her eye tight and tries hard not to listen.
She yells through her tears "No one loves me! Not you or anyone!" Charlie
holds her fingers ever so gently and whispers to her, "ssshhh Mary,
it's alright. I'm right here. I'll be staying right by your bed until you're
fully recovered." So he prays quietly to himself, waiting and watching. With
every last bit of energy spent, Mary cries herself into a deep
sleep.
Chapter Six
As he sits and prays for Mary,
his thoughts race back to the very first time God placed her on his heart.
Suddenly he sees a vision of a lion cub sitting helpless in an open field by
herself. Into the field walks a large broad shouldered, fierce looking lion,
sniffing around. Charlie watches as the lion comes closer to the little cub.
He picks her up and shakes her around in his mighty jaws. He chews and gnaws
on her and tosses her about, as if playing a horrible game. The cub cries but
the lion ignores it. He spits her out and leaves her for dead. Only seconds
after the lion leaves, his lioness walks in. Sleek, tall, and well built,
this strong Lioness begins to snarl and growl at the cub. She smacks her and
tosses her around with her giant paw. The cub has no energy left to even cry.
Next Charlie sees a litter of cubs playing and running around as they slowly
get closer to her. They spot her and begin taunting her and picking on her
non stop. Devastated, and void of all strength, she lies on the ground and
hopes to die. Suddenly he realizes and says, "Father, was that her life?"
Chapter Seven
Mary wakes up with pain shooting
out of every inch of her body. She whimpers from the pain that seems to be
everywhere. She sees Charlie from the corner of her eye. "You're still here?"
Charlie stands and smiles big. "I told you I would be." he replied. "Mary I
know you've been hurt bad in your life. I know there are many wounds deep in
your heart. But I'm going to tell you about someone who can take away your
pain and heal your heart." "There's no such person." she insisted". He goes
on to say, "Oh but Mary, there is. And He loves you more than you will ever
truly know." "That's impossible" she replied.
"Mary let me
explain something to you. Long ago God created the first man and woman. He
placed them in a beautiful garden and told them they could eat the fruit of
any tree, except for a very special one; the Tree of Knowledge of good and
evil, because if they did they would surly die. Well, one day while they were
walking by that tree a serpent whispered to them and told them that what God
said to them was untrue, and that they would not surely die if they ate
the fruit of that tree. And he persuaded the woman to eat the fruit. And then
she gave it to her husband, and he ate it too. Just as soon as this happened,
sin had entered the world. And so this sin was passed down, through the blood, from generation to generation through the whole human race. This sin
is what separates people from God."
"In the bible, in Romans
3:23, it says that 'all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.' We
must face this fact and admit that we are sinners. In the first part of
Romans 6:23 it says, 'for the wages of sin is death'. This means that because
of sin, the penalty is death. And the second part of Romans 6:23 says that
'the gift of God is everlasting life, through Jesus, our Master'. This means
that salvation is a free gift from Him to you. You can't earn this gift, but
you must reach out and receive it. Mary, God sent His Son to this earth
to save mankind from their sin. Romans 5:8 says 'But God showed his great
love for us by sending His Messiah to die for us while we were still
sinners.' He lived a sinless life and died on a cross to pay the penalty for
our sin. He took all the sin from everyone in this world upon Himself. The
only condition, Mary, is that we believe in Him and what He has done for us.
In doing so, we are then joined with Him because He is our life. He did all
of this because He loves us and wants us to be with Him."
Mary tries to grasp all that he is saying to her. "Could this
really be true?" He responds, "Yes, Mary, it's true. And in Revelation 3:20
it says, 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock, if anyone hears my voice and
opens the door, I will come to him'".
Mary starts feeling
something she has never felt before. A softening in her heart. It hurts real
bad, worse than any of the physical pain that she has been feeling now. She
asks, "What do I do?" "Mary first recognize and admit that you are a sinner."
"I know I'm a sinner." She whispers. "Next you need to understand that you
deserve death for your sin." "I understand that I deserve death."
She whispers. "Next, and this is the most important step Mary, you need to
sincerely ask God, your Father, to forgive you and to save you, so that you
will be with Him through eternity". She stops. She needs to catch her breath.
Father? No! She won't do it. She can't. Fathers hurt, anyway. "I can't do it.
I'm too dirty and unlovable, I can't do it", she whispers. Charlie bends over
her, looks her straight in her one good eye, and whispers, "you are a
priceless jewel, in the eyes of 'this' Father. He is your Father who created
the Universe. He created you and He is your dad. He cherishes you. He is not
like any earthly father. He is perfect and never makes mistakes. He loves you
with an unconditional love. Now, look up to Him, and tell Him you love Him
back. Let Him heal you, precious girl. Accept Jesus as your Savior, your
Messiah, and He will heal your heart and you will be saved."
Through the muck and the mire, from the depths of her shattered
heart, she manages to work up the courage to whisper, "God, if you're real,
if you are truly there, please forgive me for my sins and save me." She feels
a surge of emotions that she doesn't understand. Her heart pounds deep
inside. Her spirit feels as if it's in a cage, deep inside, and fluttering,
trying to be free. Waves wash over her heart. They get stronger and stronger
until it feels as if her heart will pound out of her chest. She cries,
"Father, please heal me!"
Suddenly, in an instant, she feels no
pain! Her heart isn't aching! The
emptiness is gone! The constant deep pain
is gone! The constant tears of her crying heart are gone! She realizes what
is happening.
She could feel, deep within her shattered heart,
that there were many, many rooms. Each of these rooms was a representation of
each time she had been hurt in her life. And in each one of these rooms lived
a "little Mary". A piece of her that had been hurt so bad during each of
these horrific times. And suddenly, as she prayed for healing, Jesus took all
of those little Mary's out of their prisons and brought them up to heaven
with Him! And now, the doors were flung open! Jesus' light was beaming so
brightly out of each one of them! The rays felt so bright she was sure the
whole room should have been lit up by them. She laughed for the first time in
nine years. She was so happy. She told Charlie what just happened inside of
her and they both shouted for joy.
They sang praises and
worshiped Jesus together. For the first time in a long time she really was
free. Free from the deep pain within her heart. Free from agony and defeat.
For whom the Son sets free, is free indeed!
(© 2012 Elishiva Annalisa – All rights reserved. Written material may not be duplicated without permission.)