“Here’s your paycheck, Pete.” Isaac handed his warehouse supervisor the slip of
paper that represented two weeks’ labor. “There’s a little extra … you know …
for the Holidays. Sorry it’s not more. Business has been slow … you know
….”
Pete nodded and took the check. “Things haven’t exactly been flying
off the warehouse shelves this winter,” he agreed.
Isaac shuffled
awkwardly. “Well, have a good Christmas!” He tried to smile, but it was
unconvincing.
“You too.” Self-conscious, Pete moved toward the warehouse
door.
“Good Christmas!” he muttered. “This will barely pay the bills,
let alone buy gifts.” Pete had been a frustrated man for some time, and the dam
of his discouragement broke loose as he got into his rusty pick up truck.
Without warning, hot tears filled his dark-circled blue eyes. He pounded the
steering wheel, turned the key, and listened to the click-click of the starter
he couldn’t afford to replace.
Wiping his flannel sleeve across his eyes
and nose, he stepped out, grabbed a hammer from behind the seat, raised the
creaking hood, and rapped on the starter. Climbing back in, he turned the key
again, and with relief heard “gr-rr-rr” as the engine fired to life. Grinding
the pickup into gear, Pete pulled out of the parking lot onto the highway that
led home.
Home. Twila was there – doing her best to put a nice meal on
the table. She rarely complained. What a good woman the Lord had given him.
The girls would be helping set the table and maybe even talk Mama into lighting
a candle to make things “more pretty.” They were good girls – little Megan,
six, and Jennie, eight. They were the light of his life.
“I’ve got to do
better for them!” Pete struck the wheel again and fought back a choking
sensation. They had always told Pete, growing up, that he needed a college
degree to be successful. He had one of those – in Business – earned twelve
years ago. A lot of good it had done him. His present job description stated:
“GED or high school diploma preferred.” It was all he could find in this down
economy – all he was really qualified for, with his resume full of sales clerk,
assembler, and warehouseman jobs. This was a supervisor position at least, but
the prognosis for career advancement was not promising.
Pete was not just
frustrated with himself though. He was frustrated with God. It was a feeling
he rarely allowed to surface, but it was there, like an ache. God is God, after
all, and He gives good gifts to His people. He’s a good Father. He doesn’t
give His kids stones or snakes. It’s right there in the Bible!
But Pete
felt like he had a whole pocket full of rocks. He had prayed, worked hard, held
out his hands to God … and gotten a rock every time. At least it seemed that
way.
Yet, he knew it must be his fault. “I just haven’t worked hard
enough or been focused or courageous enough! That’s got to be it.” In his
heart he wasn’t sure though. It didn’t feel that way. Deep inside dwelt the
chilling suspicion that God wasn’t a good father – wouldn’t come through for
him. No, of course it had to be his own fault somehow, but … what more could he
have done?
It was in this mental state that Pete pulled into the driveway
of his family’s two-bedroom rental house on the edge of town. As the engine
went quiet, he gripped the wheel until his knuckles whitened, breathed deeply,
shot up a “Lord help me” prayer, and climbed out of the old pickup, slamming the
creaky door behind him.
It was dusk on this mid-December evening, and
Pete saw the blur of two little forms in the front picture window. He knew what
was coming. This homecoming ritual was usually the highlight of his day, but
tonight he couldn’t shake the dread that weighed on his soul. Seeing the front
door fly open and the warm light pour down the sidewalk, Pete dragged up a smile
and called out, “There’s my girls!”
“Daddy, Daddy!” came the chorus.
“Daddy, what did you bring us?”
He didn’t miss his cue. “A big,
Daddy-Bear hug for each of you … and for Mama too if I can catch her!” His
smile broadened now as he wrapped his girls in a thick-flannelled
embrace.
Stomping the snow off his boots, he stepped into the warmth,
light, and fragrance of the home Twila made for them each day. They had decided
early in their marriage that it was important for Mom to stay home with the
little ones. Many of Twila’s friends told her she was wasting her degree and
chances for a career, but she would smile patiently and tell them she and Pete
had agreed things were better this way.
“Where’s that pretty mom of
yours?” Pete kept smiling, though the heaviness was returning. “She’s hard to
catch ‘cause she’s always working, but I’ll bear-hug her too if I can!” The
girls giggled. Pete meant it too. If his daughters were the light of his life,
Twila was his life.
“Mama, Daddy’s home!” called Megan. Her blue eyes
sparkled under a mop of curly blond hair. Most of the unruly curls had escaped
the pink hair band she had donned this morning – to match her pink and purple
sweater. Jennifer, the older, was more subdued. She wore a blue and green
sweater and blue jeans with holes in the knees. Her shoulder-length brown hair
was pulled back in a pony tail.
Twila peeked around the corner. Her
smile was genuine, though weary. She always made Pete feel welcome, though he
knew she often struggled with discouragement. Neither of them had expected to
be where they were now – after ten years. When they were courting, they had
anticipated how God might use them – with all their life before them. Now it
felt like life had somehow seeped away … into the parched ground of lost dreams,
small paychecks, and the dailyness of it all.
Twila was a pretty woman,
with auburn hair and green eyes. Those eyes had once shined at Pete in a way
that melted his heart. Now they were mostly … well, tired. He couldn’t think
of a better description. He understood. The bags under his once-bright blue
eyes made him look older than his 34 years. He felt like 64 most of the
time.
“Hi Babe!” Pete gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. That was all
she really wanted or had time for these days. It had become their normal
morning and evening ritual. Pete missed the early days of their marriage, but –
again – he understood. He had not given his wife an easy life.
“Daddy,
do you like the table?” It was Megan again. She beamed, pointing to what she
and Jennie had created. “We bought a vanilla candle at the dollar store today;
doesn’t it smell wonderful?”
It did. And the table testified to his
little girls’ artistry with paper, scissors, glue, and crayons. Adorning the
festive table cloth Twila had sewn were lovingly made Christmas creations that
brought a smile to Pete’s face. “It is beautiful, girls! Getting ready for
Christmas I see.” They giggled with delight.
Christmas! Pete remembered
his paycheck. He pulled off his boots, donned his tattered slippers, and made
his way into the kitchen, where his wife was pulling dinner out of the
oven.
“Smells great, Twila. I don’t know how you do it every day. Put
such a good meal on I mean. You’re amazing.” He rubbed her shoulders, and she
paused for a moment to receive the touch of his rough hands.
“Umm, I got
the before Christmas paycheck from Isaac today, and … well …” Pete looked down.
“It’s not much.”
“I didn’t expect it would be,” Twila sighed. “Enough
for any presents?”
“I don’t know, Love. It’s gonna be tight.” Pete
suddenly felt heavy as lead. A deep sadness enveloped him, and he turned away.
Things were usually tight during the holidays, but this one was going to set a
record. “I’m so sorry, Twila,” he began.
“Don’t, Pete. Don’t.” He
could feel her sadness too. They stood in the kitchen, not speaking, eyes not
meeting. “We’ll do the best we can,” Twila said finally.
“Yep.” Pete
pulled out his handkerchief and wiped his nose. He tried to smile but
failed.
As the family sat down at the cheery table, Pete looked round
at his blessings – his three girls. He was grateful for his family, and his
prayer reflected that. As they all said “Amen” and began to eat, Jennie began,
“Dad, we don’t have a Christmas tree yet. Chrissie’s family got theirs a couple
of weeks ago, and it’s so pretty! A great big one – bigger than we’ve ever
had.”
“Could we get a great big tree this year, Daddy?” It was Megan
this time. We could make a million decorations for it. It would look
beee-you-tiful!”
“Honey,” Pete began. Then he caught Twila’s glance.
“Sweetie,” he started again, trying to sound more cheerful. “We’ll find
something. It might not be as big as the one Chrissie’s family has, but it’ll
be just right!” He forced a smile.
“A really pretty one, Daddy?” Megan
begged.
“Yes, Dad, a nice one this year … please?” added
Jennie.
Pete looked from one, sweet, hopeful face to the other, then to
his wife. She smiled slightly. “Daddy will find the right tree for us, girls.
He always does.” Twila’s tone was reassuring.
This galvanized Pete. He
would find a nice tree this year! There were a few U-Cut places outside town.
They might have a good tree, cheap enough.
“I’ll go tomorrow after work,”
Pete assured his girls. “Don’t expect anything very big, but it’ll be a pretty
one – you’ll see. Old Dad will take care of this.” He smiled
broadly.
“Yay, Daddy!” the little girls chimed. “We’re going to have a
Christmas tree, Christmas tree, Christmas tree,” sang little Megan as she
twirled. Pete beamed. If it were only that easy to be a hero every day! Well,
tomorrow should be a cinch.
“See you, Pete. Thanks for staying a
little late today.” Isaac was locking up the front of the shop.
“No
problem,” Pete returned. He was tired, but the half hour of overtime would help
after the holidays when the bills came due. The current pay check would have to
stretch for Christmas. He had a fresh ten dollar bill he had pulled out of the
bank over lunch. It was his tree money – all they could afford. He was
hopeful.
“Have a good weekend,” called Isaac.
“You too. See you
Monday.”
As Pete pulled out of the parking lot onto the highway (after
the customary tapping of the starter), he headed toward home. The tree farms
were a couple of miles outside town in that direction, and as he drove by the
little house, he saw the welcoming light streaming from the front windows. He
imagined his girls running tonight not just to greet Daddy, but to welcome their
beautiful Christmas tree. He was excited too. Memories of going with his dad
to the woods to find the perfect tree occupied his mind as he headed out into
the gathering dusk.
“Just enough daylight left to pick a tree,” he
thought. Some of these places had electric lights too. The U-Cut Christmas
business had become popular, and many farmers made a good income each year.
“Bet their families have nice presents,” Pete mused. Well, he needn’t begrudge
them their blessings. He would just have to work a little harder and find that
better job by this time next year. Things seemed possible tonight
somehow.
The first place appeared around a curve on the left. As he
waited to turn in, he glanced at the lights, the hot cocoa stand, and the
decorations. “This place looks pretty fancy,” he mumbled. “Well, they’re bound
to have something small for ten dollars or less.”
“How you doin’ tonight,
Mister?” called a young man as Pete climbed out of his truck. “Some really nice
trees over here. Good prices too.”
“Let’s see what you’ve got,” returned
Pete. He wasn’t ready yet to ask for the smallest and the cheapest. Despite
his worn flannel jacket, he didn’t want to seem desperate. “How ‘bout this
beauty right here?” He pointed to a broad six footer at the edge of the
lot.
“For that one, I’ll make you a special deal,” offered the young
man. “Pines aren’t going too well this year, so I can let you have it for
$25.”
Pete tried not to let his face register the shock. “Well, that’s
pretty good…. Um, how about a fir or spruce?”
“Oh, they’re a little
more, but still not bad. Here’s a pretty little five foot spruce for
$35.”
“Hmm, it does look good.” Pete looked around at the waning light
and thought of his three girls waiting at home for their Christmas tree. He
decided it was no use bluffing. “Listen,” he began. “I can’t afford much, and
my family’s expecting a nice tree. What do you have on the … uh, the low
end?”
The young fellow sized him up now and knew instantly what he was
dealing with. “Well, those are pretty good prices compared to a lot of places.
We do have these little scrubby things on the edge of the lot over here. Pines
of course, and they haven’t done too well in this boggy ground.” He led Pete to
a muddy patch a few yards down the gravel road. “What about one of
these?”
They really were pathetic, but they were Christmas trees. “How
much for this one?” Pete queried. He touched the top of a four foot pine with
sparse branches.
“Well, I guess I could let you have it for … say,
$15.”
Pete buried his pride. “All I have is $10,” he said, tiredly
pulling the now crumpled bill out of his pocket.
The man eyed the ten,
cleared his throat, and then shook his head. “You’ll find we have the best
prices around, Buddy. $15 is the best you’ll do, I’ll guarantee it. I know my
neighbors, and they’re higher. We’ve got fertilizer costs, trimming, you know –
overhead to pay.
Pete was growing obstinate now. “I’ve got $10, and that
tree stinks. Take it or leave it!”
“Sorry Mister!” The young man was
walking back to his tent. Pete followed – chastened but still
stubborn.
“Can’t believe you’re passing up a sale!” he called after him.
“In my warehouse, that would be crazy.”
“Merry Christmas, Bud! Good
luck.” He had poured himself a cup of hot coffee and was now heading for the
next customers – a well-dressed couple stepping out of a Mercedes
SUV.
Pete was disgusted – mostly with himself. “What a rip off,” he
muttered. But he was really thinking, “What a loser I am! Those prices weren’t
bad. Why the dickens can’t I do better for my family?” He was slipping into a
dark mood again. His usual mood.
The next farm was just up the road, on
the right, and the young man’s prophecy proved true – at least with this
neighbor. “Wow,” Pete shot back over his shoulder at the retreating back of the
owner. “That’s robbery!” Pete was getting cranky and spoke the words he would
normally have grumbled. The man just shrugged. He had paying customers pulling
in and didn’t have time for a loser.
Three more fruitless stops later,
Pete was driving dejectedly back to town in the darkness. What was he going to
do now? “Oh, how about that little lot down by the mall? It’s Boy Scouts I
think. They must have something reasonable.” It was so late! Twila would have
dinner on by now, and his girls would be wondering what had happened to their
daddy and their Christmas tree.
Pete turned into the parking lot and
pulled up where a tall, hand-lettered sign announced, “Boy Scout Trees … Good
Prices!”
“This must be the place!” he said to himself, hopefully. As he
got out of his truck, for what felt like the hundredth time that evening, a
couple of uniformed boys in their late teens greeted him.
“Free hot cocoa
with every tree purchase!” one young fellow called out, bored and cold. It was
almost closing time.
“Well, let’s see what you have,” Pete replied.
“Now, listen, I’ve only got ten dollars. What can you do for me?” He had
swallowed his pride whole a couple of hours ago! This was cut to the chase
time.
“Well, Mister,” the less bored and cold teen began. “We did have a
couple of ten dollar trees. Let’s see….” The Scout led Pete down one of the
dimly lit aisles. “Hmmm … they were right about here. Oh, looks like they’re
both gone. Sam, did you sell those two little ones?”
“Oh, yeah, called
Sam. Guess I should have told you; I forgot.”
“Well, thanks a
lot!”
“I said sorry! Hey lets get things closed up; it’s past
time!”
“Yeah, yeah, just a minute. Mister, we do have some nice ones – a
little bigger – for $15. Could you go that much?”
“I just can’t.” Pete
replied heavily. “Look, this ten dollar bill is all I can spend … really … and
I’ve got to have a Christmas tree!” He was trying to keep the desperation out
of his voice.
“I’m sorry, Sir. Our Scout Master told us not to haggle …
that the trees were a good deal and the profits would help the troop. $15 is
the best we can do.”
“Well, you’re an honest kid … and a good Scout.”
Pete replied. “I was a Scout too – a long time ago. Made Second Class rank.”
He trailed off – lost in his thoughts. “Second Class,” Pete mused. “That’s the
story of my whole life!”
“Okay, I understand,” Pete trudged toward his
pick up, shoulders slumped.
“Merry Christmas, Mister!” called the
youths. Pete didn’t hear.
Lost in his inner darkness, Pete pulled
out of the parking lot. Defeated. Loser. Wash up. This was the last of a
seemingly endless stream of disappointments. Years of anger began to spill.
“God, all I needed was a Christmas tree tonight! Only a stinking Christmas
tree. Is that too much to ask?” He was immediately sorry. Was God going to
smash him? No, more likely He wasn’t even listening. It seemed like He was
never listening. Too busy for Pete’s miniscule problems. Small things to God,
maybe, but this was Pete’s life – scrabbling the thorny ground for his precious
girls – never quite making it. Always wondering if it was just his bad luck (or
“lack of faith,” in Christianese) or his cowardice in not trying harder. Maybe
it was just his personality type? Type A’s seemed to achieve their dreams, but
more thoughtful, passive people like Pete … they became the beasts of burden
that carried those dreams. It took all kinds, right?
“What, God, what?
What was I supposed to do? Where did I go wrong?” Pete pummeled the steering
wheel for the fiftieth time in the last two days. The old Ford was forgiving
and kept rumbling down the road.
Where was he? Rousing from his poisoned
thoughts, Pete found himself on a dark street with no other traffic. Then he
recognized the tall buildings of the University campus – emptied by the recent
holiday exodus. It was surreal, with a full moon brightening the tree-lined
avenue and snow glittering on the ground. If only he could stay in this
peaceful place. The bright winter stars pierced him with their coldness. If
only they would draw him up there among them to numb his pain. Pulling the
pickup over, he turned it off and stepped out into the winter scene. Crunching
through the snow, he continued to gaze up at the stars, hardly thinking
anymore. Just feeling. Feeling the ache of a lifetime of disappointment.
Wishing, yearning for relief.
A brighter light intruded on his
consciousness. It was the moon – huge and silver and seemingly warmer than the
stars. “The moon…” Pete whispered. He had somehow overlooked the moon.
“Twila loves the full moon.” He was slowly returning from his reverie.
“Twila! Oh my gosh! The girls! What the heck time is it?” He fumbled for his
watch and found he had been gone from work now for three hours. He should have
been home a couple of hours ago. Hot tears filled his eyes. “A total
screw-up!” Lacking a steering wheel to attack, he savagely kicked a small
tree.
Peering around him in the moonlight, he found he had wandered a few
yards off the road into a little clearing. In the summer, it was manicured
lawn, landscaped with trees and shrubs. Now it looked like a white forest
clearing with small evergreens scattered about. “Pretty,” Pete thought. “Those
are nice little trees too. If only they were for sale!” Fingering the wadded
$10 bill in his pocket, Pete continued, bitterly, “No trees for us po’ folks!”
Turning, he trudged back to his truck.
Climbing wearily in, he kicked
something under the seat. Reaching down, he felt the bow saw he had thrown in
that morning, never dreaming he wouldn’t be using it that night. “You’re no use
… just in the way!” Pete griped at the tool. Stowing it more securely, he
reached for the key. Click, click.
Sighing, Pete threw the pickup door
open again and reached behind the seat for the more useful tool. After tapping
the starter he slammed the hood and started back to the open driver door.
Glancing up, he saw again the group of small evergreens. Fir trees, they looked
like, about six feet tall. They’d been nicely pruned.
Then a foreign
thought struck him. Perhaps it has occurred to you already, but you’ll have to
forgive Pete. You see he was (or thought he was) a loser, but despite many
weaknesses, he had one great strength. It was a strength that had helped him
land and hold several low paying jobs. His employers liked him you see, not
just because he was a hard worker, but because he was unwaveringly
honest.
Pete was not, perhaps, quite himself after the last emotional few
hours. This may help explain his next actions. Without hesitation, he reached
under the pickup seat and walked quickly toward the clump of trees. He
inspected one after another, finally stopping next to a nice, full fir – about
the right size for the family’s small picture window. Kneeling in the snow, he
found the trunk with his left hand and – pausing briefly – took a deep breath,
pursed his lips, and touched the blade to the tree.
The little fir
resisted valiantly, and as Pete labored behind it, he failed to see the
headlights that had moved up the street, slowed, and now shone on the tailgate
of his old truck. It was only as the trunk broke loose with the last saw stroke
that Pete first heard footsteps and looked up to be blinded by an intense
light.
“Sir, what in the world do you think you’re doing?” queried a
gruff voice. The light moved from Pete’s face to the slaughtered ornamental,
then back to Pete. In the brief time this took, Pete saw the incredulous face
of a middle-aged policeman. It wasn’t an unkind face, but it was all business.
“It’s my duty to inform you that you have defaced public property. You’d better
come with me.”
As the officer led him to the patrol car, Pete protested,
“Look, it’s only a Christmas tree. Come on, man, my family needs a Christmas
tree!”
“It is, in fact, an ornamental tree – part of the landscaping of a
public university. Public property, Sir, and you are under
arrest.”
Twila had just put the girls to bed after a late dinner and
now sat down at the kitchen table – cleared and cleaned – to pray. “Lord, I
don’t know where my husband is, but we need him home. You know what’s happened,
God. Please, please bring Pete home!”
She had tried not to frighten
the girls as they had finished dinner and gotten ready for bed. “I’m sure Daddy
just had a little trouble finding exactly the right tree for us,” she had
explained to them. “He’s okay. God will take care of him and help him.” This
was so unlike Pete, though, and Twila was worried. She had strong faith … had
needed it for all their years of marriage … but tonight it was hard to trust.
Could it have been an accident? Or maybe the old truck had refused to start and
Pete was walking home. “Where is he, Lord? Please help us!” Tears reddened
her weary eyes.
As Twila sat, head in hands, the phone rang. She jumped
up, wiped her eyes, cleared her throat, and picked up the receiver. “Jackson
residence,” she answered with wavering voice.
“Twila Jackson?” queried a
man’s voice on the other end.
“This is Twila Jackson,” she
replied.
“The wife of Peter N. Jackson?” Twila was almost beside herself
now.
“What’s happened to my husband?” she demanded. “Is he all right?
Where is he?”
“Ma’am, please settle down. Your husband is fine. A
little shaken up, but fine.”
Twila sank back onto the chair and nearly
sobbed with relief. “Well, can I speak with him? Where is he? Can I come get
him? Or can he drive home?”
“Mrs. Jackson, please try to calm yourself.
Your husband is okay, but he can’t come home until some paperwork is taken care
of. You can come and get him, but you should know that you’ll need to post
bail.”
“Bail?” Twila rolled the word around in her mind. “Bail? You
mean … you mean Pete did something … he’s in jail? Why is my husband in
jail?”
“Ma’am, can you come on down to the police station? We can
explain everything when you get here. And you’ll need to bring $100
cash.”
Twila hung up the phone and leaned on the table with wide eyes.
“What, God, what?” she cried. “What could he have done, and … why, Lord?” She
roused herself and picked up the phone again.
“Sue,” she said quickly.
“I need a huge favor. Can you come over and stay with the girls for a little
while? No, I can’t explain now, but I will later. And, another thing … can you
call the prayer chain and get people praying? All I can tell you right now is
that Pete is in trouble and we really need prayer. Thanks, Sue, you’re a
lifesaver!”
Hanging up, Twila went immediately to their bedroom and
reached into a dresser drawer. Pulling out a small box, she opened it to make
sure of its contents. Back out in the hall, she retrieved her coat from the
closet and placed the box in her pocket.
Should she wake the girls? No,
she decided. They would probably sleep right through and not realize she had
been gone. There was a quiet tap on the front door. Good for Sue! She knew
the girls would be asleep and remembered not to ring the bell. Twila answered,
hugged her neighbor, and then rushed out the door. She got into the older model
Toyota that was the family car, started it, and pulled out onto the
road.
“Peter Jackson,” the guard called into the holding cell. Pete
leaped up, and the intoxicated, unkempt, older fellow who had been leaning
against him – snoring quietly – slowly listed onto the bench where Pete had been
uneasily camped. Brushing himself off and looking around at the broken humanity
that filled the cell (typical of a Friday night), Pete fervently hoped this
meant he was finally going home.
“Your wife is here,” continued the
guard, as he relocked the barred door behind them.
“Oh, thank God!” It
was no mere cliché. Pete truly, deeply meant it.
At the end of the long
hall, the guard stopped and pulled out his ring of keys again. “I’ll take the
cuffs off now, Sir.” He had been polite, if not quite friendly, and Pete
appreciated that. What a fool he felt like though. What would Twila think;
what would she say?
The guard unlocked the last door that led into the
waiting room, and Pete could see his wife sitting, waiting, her eyes red, but
her face brave and calm. “I’ve never deserved her, Lord,” Pete confessed.
“What an amazing gift she is….” His prayer was interrupted as Twila ran to him,
wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him – right then and
there.
Pete wasn’t expecting this. Anger maybe, disappointment, the
beginning of a lecture about how stupid he had been. This embrace flustered
him, and tears filled his eyes.
“Mr. Jackson,” interrupted the sergeant
at the front desk. “Your wife has posted bail. There will be a hearing. We’ll
send you notice of the date. Um, the arresting officer will not press assault
charges, Sir. Said he understands. That his last job was in a warehouse. He
said you would know what he meant.”
“Thank you! Thank you so much. Can
you thank the officer for me too? He was very patient to listen to me after I
tried to punch him and he wrestled me to the ground.”
Pete turned to his
wife, sheepishly. “I didn’t hear that part,” she smiled.
“Um, I’ll fill
you in later. Thanks again, Sergeant.”
“Good night, folks. Merry
Christmas!”
“Merry Christmas to you too,” Pete returned.
When they
reached the car, Twila handed Pete the keys. “Okay driving?” she
asked.
“I think so. If you trust me after all this.”
“I trust
you, you goose!” Twila was close to tears again, as relief rushed over
her.
“You’re such a gift, Twila. I’ve never deserved you.”
“And
I’ve never deserved you!” Twila’s eyes sparked, and the corners of her mouth
twitched upwards.
“I think I know how you mean that, and you’re right,
Hon; dead right!” Pete felt the old depression returning after the intense
relief of the last few minutes. “Wait a minute … Twila!” A realization slammed
him in the gut. “Where did you get that $100 bail money?”
His wife
looked down at her hands. Then she met Pete’s eyes with a clear gaze. “You
know I’ve been keeping Grandma’s ring to pass on to one of the girls some day.
The Pawn Shop was just closing, but the owner agreed to give me $100 for it. He
was glad to in fact. I suspect he got quite a deal.”
Oh, Twila…” Pete
choked. “Not Grandma’s ring. That’s irreplaceable.”
“I know, Peter, but
so are you!” she released some anger now. “Do you know how much the girls and I
need you, you nut? Not just your income, but you! I thought we’d lost you
tonight. All for a stupid Christmas tree.” Her voice quavered and trailed
off.
“Oh, Honey, I tried so hard to find a tree. Nothing was cheap
enough. I went everywhere – even to the Boys Scouts – and no one could sell me
a tree for what I had to spend. All I could think about was the little girls’
hopeful faces last night. How proud they were of their Daddy who they knew
would come through for them. I just could not come home without a tree…. And
now, not only do I not have the tree, but I’ve cost you your grandmother’s ring
– plus who knows how much after the hearing!
Twila said nothing, looking
down.
“Twila, as I got more and more desperate tonight, all I could think
about was how God has not come through for me – for us. I’ve worked my tail off
for years, with absolutely nothing to show for it. What does He want from me?
I’ve tried to be an honest guy and do all the right things, but here we are. I
can barely put food on our table after all these years, and this year I promised
our girls Christmas, and they’re going to have nothing – not even a tree.” The
darkness threatened to overwhelm Pete now. He could not look at his wife. He
should just get out of the car and head back into the jail – get Twila’s money
back for her. Then they could have Christmas, and he would be out of their
lives. A woman like Twila could easily find better than him.
As Pete
slumped behind the wheel, a tear tailing down his cheek, he felt a small, strong
hand grip his sleeve. Looking up, he was caught by two shining green eyes.
“Wow,” he thought, “It’s been years since I saw her look that way!” He couldn’t
look away, even though his shame told him to.
“Peter Jackson,” Twila
began with a strong, clear voice. “You are a fool. But not for stealing a
Christmas tree and punching a police officer!” Pete raised a finger. “Almost
punching a police officer,” Twila corrected herself. “You’re a fool for not
seeing – for blinding yourself to all that is good in your life. Pete Jackson,
I’m proud of you! Tonight, for the first time in memory, you actually fought
for me – for the girls. We need that! We absolutely, desperately need you to
fight for us. To fight for the faith each day to trust God that He knows what
He’s doing. To fight for our bread and shelter. More than that, to fight for
our future. I know, I know (as Pete stammered a protest), you think you’ve been
fighting for our future by working so hard for years at low wage jobs, and I
have appreciated what you’ve tried to do, but – Pete – listen to me: you
weren’t really fighting. No, wait, you listen to me! You were lying down –
defeated – giving in. I know how hard it’s been, but what we have always really
needed you to be for us is a fighter.”
“But, Twila…” His wife’s spirited
speech had surprised him – taken the wind out of him. But there was also a
fresh breeze beginning to fill his sails. It was the wind of hope that had so
eluded him for most of his adult life.
“Listen, Pete!” A new idea had
occurred to Twila. “What have you always wanted to do? No, don’t shake your
head! If you could do anything, what would it be?”
“I don’t think I ever
told you this,” Pete answered. “As a kid, I always wanted to become a
policeman. I sort of held that dream deep inside until I reached college and
decided I’d better get practical and major in business. Lot of good that’s done
me!”
“Pete, why don’t you do it? Let’s pray about it, of course, but
that may have been God’s calling on your life so long ago. If it was, He’ll
make a way.”
“Funny you should mention that,” Pete laughed now. “As
Officer Daugherty sat on me tonight and let me tell my story, I let slip that
I’d always wanted to be a policeman but had instead become a warehouseman. He
got this twinkle in his eye as he let me up. All he said as he put the cuffs on
was, ‘Fascinating!’ That was it! Then the sergeant tells us tonight that
Daugherty was a warehouseman once.”
“Pete, do it! Follow your dream.
Fight for us now and for the rest of our lives!” Twila’s face was glowing with
hope now, and she reached her arm around her husband’s neck and kissed him –
really and truly – not just the morning and evening peck.
“It’ll be a
long road,” cautioned Pete, beginning to share her excitement. “I’ll still
disappoint you sometimes – probably often.”
“Just don’t give up anymore,
Pete!” Twila begged. “Fight for us, lead us, and we’ll follow. We’re your
biggest fans, you know. The girls and I will be there every
step.”
“Twila, my Love,” Pete managed through tears of joy. “I will. I
once told you, ‘I do,’ ten years ago. Now I’m telling you ‘I will.’ Starting
tomorrow, I will.”
Pete fired the engine to life, and the Jacksons headed
home to their sleeping daughters. No, there wouldn’t be a Christmas tree this
year, but they would – truly and gratefully – celebrate their best Christmas
ever.
(© 2013 Rand Hunter Kreycik – All rights reserved. Written
material may not be duplicated without permission.)